Tag Archives: inspiration

Hungry 

I’ve been reading more lately, way more than I’ve been in years. I’ve tried to focus my efforts on writing more, and felt thirsty for words. I had never starved myself as a writer. I thought with all the junk I read all day, every day, I’d been well fed. To the contrary. 

I’ve been working on multiple projects while not being able to really focus on one. My characters are patiently waiting to grow and do things but my mind is in a pit. Now I know why. 

I’ve been devouring psychological and horror thrillers and I can’t get enough. Is this a sign? I’m a big thriller person, always loved them for their fast pace and tension. They make me want to write like that. They make me want to hold my breath until the last possible second. 

I’ve neglected my craft and my muse isn’t too happy with me. I just need to focus. 

For now, I’ll satiate the hunger and read because writers can’t write if they’re malnourished. Enough of the junk, I’ll feast on the good stuff. 

I’m Back. #writing #creativeprocess #mentalblock

It hadn’t rained for the past few months. The sky stayed clear, and the earth below dry, just like her thoughts. All inspiration was gone, just like the muse.

So she stared at the window, hoping the drought wouldn’t last too long. “It happens to all writers”, she convinced herself. “My time of complete mental block is just taking forever to lift.”

She sighed. Grabbing the cup of coffee in front of her, she took a sip and sighed again. “I never used to drink coffee. I need some awakening. I’ve been in the dark for too long.”

Words came so easily before. Now, her brain lacked any creative flow.

“No, it shouldn’t last too long,” she repeated, as if the words had some magical meaning. But they didn’t. The truth shall set her free.

“Maybe, I’m just not a true writer.” Ah that truth hurt like hell.

Because she really believed she had a gift. Words were her friends at some point. She would think of something, anything, and that mustard seed gave rise to a majestic story. Whatever the topic, she could write about it. No biggie. She had it all figured out.

Until a few months back, when she started focusing on selling her latest book, instead of writing more. The time she spent doing what she thought was something, but in reality was nothing, dragged her into a hole where inspiration wasn’t invited. Worse, inspiration didn’t matter.

She was trying so hard to fit in. To find the special formula that would make anyone eat out of her hand like she was pooping gold. And did she poop gold? To her, her stories were priceless. To the rest of the world? The world didn’t care so much.

And that was the root of the problem. She wanted everyone to acknowledge what a brilliant author she was, instead of not giving a darn, and keeping her writing fresh. There was so much to be thankful for. The bestsellers didn’t make a difference. Her stories were about human conflict. No sex, no violence, just tales of people who lived their lives the best they could, and were everyday superheroes.

Because her creative juices came from the streets of New York City. And she knew how to bleed these streets dry by watching, and listening.

After an everlasting period of no real writing, today, the drought finally ended, and for the first time she wrote something. Her mind ran, and she ran with it. It felt so good to be friends with words again, and not to worry about selling books.

She was an author. A real one. Riddled by self-doubt, and all kinds of negative thoughts about her worth and talent.

Doubt didn’t matter anymore though. Deep down, she knew she’d kick ass.

And all she had to do was write.

Determination quote image

#FF #Leap of #Faith

d63d4f47acf242499d5a3dc8e9ebbe9dThere’s dream, and there’s reality. And between the two, there’s faith, and there’s fear. I’m afraid of failure, but I dream of success. To make success my reality, I need to have faith. I need to show patience, and determination, in order to make my dream a reality, and transform my fear into faith. Bottom line is, over thinking everything is garbage, and action is the solution.

With action, will come failure. I can’t avoid that. My determination will be tested, and force me back on the saddle. All I have to do is keep doing what I’m doing, remain teachable, and slowly, everything will fall into place.

I am bound by practical necessities. That’s my reality. There’s stuff I don’t want to do, people I don’t want to talk to, places I don’t wanna be. How will I grow if I don’t go through the motions, and stay humble? The most grateful individuals I’ve met were those who went through hell and came back. They knew what pain and hardship felt like, and they enjoyed every moment without that pain. The simplest routine brought joy in their daily lives. I must follow their example, in order to reach my goals.

And the only way to keep going is to have faith. I took a leap of faith when I started writing. I took a leap of faith when I decided to be in a relationship. I took a leap of faith by coming to America. I took a leap of faith by waking up this morning and welcoming a new day.

When I have faith, everything works out. It just does. It’s when I doubt that the world looks bleak to me, and all hope vanishes. Faith isn’t weakness. Faith is strength.

If you feel like today is just another day, without excitement, love and anything to look forward to, just close your eyes, and think of something to be grateful for. Then, restart your day, remain positive and follow your heart. Your leap of faith will take you far without you even realizing it.

faith-quote

#MM Find Your Monday Muse!

Strolling yesterday among book shelves at Barnes & Nobles (always wondered why people hang out in bookstores but not in libraries), I told myself the day 32 Seconds comes out, I’m taking the place hostage until they kick me out. And if I don’t have the guts to take the place hostage, I’m dumping my book everywhere. You think someone will notice the book isn’t supposed to be there? An innocent bystander will totally buy it.

Anyway, long story short, yesterday I re-read my manuscript one more time and finally sent it for formatting and publishing prep. All the good stuff has to come to an end eventually. I’ll disregard the blood, sweat and tears, and the million hours spent writing this story. The torture was totally worth it!

I take the writing bug like an addiction. It’s not as out of control though. And while 32 Seconds gets beautified, I’m working on the first volume of the Manicheans (one out of many). I wouldn’t write if I wasn’t inspired by the Big Apple. I hate and love this town, but thank God I have it! It’s my muse. The stuff I see, hear, smell – the unmistakable stench of Times Square in the summer, the homeless passed out on the sidewalk, the teens smoking a blunt outside the bus terminal, the girls wearing clothing even a respectable hooker wouldn’t dare steal, all that stuff – it’s my life. I thought I could stay away from it, and just write from staring at trees – which I can do, but it’s just not the same – New York brings me back every time.

I not only live for this town, I also live for its people. The mix of cultures, languages, ethnicity, sexual orientation, and all the other stuff that make the City so unique, so vibrant, so entertaining, drive me to watch, listen and learn, until I’m full and words cascade down the page like a waterfall. Worse image would be like vomit, but I don’t really vomit words unless I’m pissed.

32 Seconds doesn’t take place in New York City but the City totally inspired me to write this book. Hope you’re as excited as I am for its upcoming release.

Stay out of trouble. Until tomorrow, folks!

Note to Self (234) Poster Child

I received an email last night from a very sweet girl I met a few months back who was job hunting, and she met with me to talk about career goals and how to find the job she wanted. This City is a world of sharks, I told her. It’s going to take a lot of determination and patience to reach what she dreams of. But nothing is impossible. She said in her email how grateful she was we got to talk and she found a job, not what she wanted, but she will keep looking for something better. At the end of the email, she wrote “I’ll keep you updated, since you’re my inspiration”.

Well, I don’t really know what to say to that. I never pictured myself as a poster child for anything. Especially not my everyday job. I never dreamed of becoming a lawyer. I became a lawyer because I had to do something with my life and at the time, going to law school seemed the most logical choice. Nowadays, I look back and think I need to make a change, but reality forces me to be patient. Writing, movie making, all these projects are being built very slowly.

I don’t know how I can inspire people. I’m not the type who pretends. Maybe I inspire because I don’t bullshit anyone. A dear friend told me the other day that my attitude toward things doesn’t really matter until people alter their perception of me. And if they want to see a poster child, they will see one, even if I’m covered in tattoos and I’m a goofball half the time. And she’s right.

Thanks to this sweet girl for thinking of me in that regard. If it helps her achieve her goals, then so be it.

I like to be an inspiration for other writers, and addicts because addiction is my battle. The rest is just icing on the cake, and maybe the cherry on top.