Note to Self (222) Wake Up!

Enough with complacency. Enough taking everything for granted. Just like my books, I’m a WIP and must improve every day of the week. There’s no time to waste. I’ve learned my lesson the hard way. Doesn’t mean I can’t make mistakes anymore. No one’s perfect. I have to keep at it. Relentlessly, but also smoothly. Forcing things upon myself is like forcing a cat on your lap who doesn’t want to be petted. Everything comes with patience. Discipline. Self-control. Restraint of tongue. Observe and apply. Try again if you fail the first time. Life’s a game, however you want to play is your decision to make. God has a plan, but you got the freedom to walk away. Pray and listen if you want to know what’s in the stars for you.

A few months ago, I painted the world black. No hope. No love. Just this dreading loneliness that ate every part of my sanity. What do I know about my future now that I didn’t know then? Not much, except I’m alive. Healthy. Sane. Every day when I open my eyes, I welcome life. I say thank you for my day when I go to sleep. Nothing looks the same to me. I still worry too much, always scared I’m going to do something wrong and lose everything at stake. But the game is on. I can’t stop playing except once I’m dead. What hand will I play next? Full house? Double pair? Do I pass? I spent too much time in the dark. Being scared doesn’t achieve anything. There’s a purpose for me out there.

My sanity is my gift. Even when sometimes I think it’s a curse. One minute at a time, that’s all it takes to stay on track.

Wake up and enjoy the present moment because you’ll never get to enjoy it again.

Carpe diem.

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