Note to Self (204) Heartfelt

Why dance? Why sing? Why read? Why ride a bicycle? Why pet a dog? Why play football?

Why blog?

I heard that question once from someone I thought would understand, yet, it appears that person didn’t have a clue. It’s okay. Not everyone is supposed to understand what goes through my head. The answer is easy. Blogging makes me happy. I’m not writing about people because I like to gossip behind their back. I’m writing about me. My thoughts, my concerns, everything that bothers me, I jot it down because this process helps me. Blogging is my therapy. Some people run marathons, others go for a walk. I write to heal.

I know there’s no reason to justify my actions, but I want to be honest with myself, and with the world. This forum is public, and therefore accessible by anyone who wishes to read my words. I don’t want to entertain the idea I’m here to demean people, or lie about them. Certain individuals had a certain impact in my life I cannot ignore and must write about because I feel better once I purge all the bad memories they put me through. I’m not lying here. If I was lying, then what would be the purpose of this page? My readers wouldn’t know the real me. They wouldn’t care to visit this site. I’m not perfect, but I know I’m not a liar.

As a recovering alcoholic and addict, honesty in my sobriety is my priority. Not that it wasn’t before, because my motto has always been to stay true to myself, but I recognize I made choices and lots of mistakes that made me doubt my own truth more than once. Today however, I’m back in the clear, and am fully aware of what I need to do. Certain individuals won’t remain my friends, new people will enter my life and make it richer, and I will go with the flow, because I’m not in a bad place anymore. I learned to take things one day at a time, and let my emotions speak anytime I feel like it, thus the blogging will become much more intimate (although I’m pretty sure it was intimate before…). I guess I just want to stay real. No bullshitting anymore. No drama. If you don’t like what you read here, no one is forcing you to keep going. You can leave and may never come back.

I’m not afraid. The future is bright, it truly is, even if I don’t know what will happen tomorrow. I might just change everything about my life, but I won’t become someone I’m not to please a crowd that doesn’t even accept me for who I am. I’ve said this a million times, and I will repeat myself but this is me. Take it or leave it. And my heartfelt blogging will remain, whether you like it or not.

Now, Ladies and Gents, back to the fun stuff. 😉

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