Note to Self (192) Goodbye 2012 – Hello 2013!

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I’m sitting at my computer, typing relentlessly, drinking white wine to fuel my creative side. What have I accomplished this year? What have I destroyed? What I have rebuilt? I got divorced – officially. I lost a best friend – who wasn’t such a good friend after all. I made new friends, found a wonderful soul to spend my thirtieth birthday with, and then I got myself a car. A really nice, fast, sexy car. I dedicated more time to my publisher Curiosity Quills. I found a new love for children – thank you Krystal Wade and Lisa Gus for making me fall in love with your offspring. I became a Washington Nationals fan. I tried to move out of NYC, but NYC dragged me back with her claws, told me she loved me and wanted to give me a second chance. So I stayed. I wrote and published my first real author work – Death by Chocolate. I improved my writing by a million light years. I became a better person. I got tattooed up to seventy percent. I made a lifelong friend of my tattoo artist and was adopted by the tattoo community. I got Lazik surgery. Goodbye nerdy glasses! I shared a lot of love with my cats. I didn’t manage to patch things up with my brother who’s dying of cancer (hopefully he won’t die, but life is so unpredictable…) I made a few enemies. My ex-husband hates my guts. I miss having someone at home. I feel lonely – a lot. I keep writing and working so I can forget about the past and focus on the future. I try not to drink as much anymore. I try not to do as many drugs either. I had a crush on my coworker who’s eight years younger than me. Thank god the crush is gone. A former best friend called me batshit insane so I told her to fuck off. I lost weight. I started the Insanity training. I died my hair. My ambition has increased so much, I will tear this world to shreds with my passion. Nothing’s impossible. The sky’s the limit. If you want something really bad, you can have it.

Let me tell you a little story about a girl I know. She visited NYC for the first time when she was seventeen years old. Average English, no idea what to do with herself, barely graduated high school. Years went by, and the dream to live in NYC stayed. The English improved, and she met the love of her life. Well the one she thought would last for life. She left her home country in 2006. Settled in NYC in 2007. Became an attorney in 2008. Married the same year. Suffered a lot, really thought she would lose it, but after enough perseverance, she made it through. Left her home, was homeless for one month, broke, could only work so much in order to find a way out of this mess. She made it. Found an apartment. Got her permanent job where she currently works. Obtained her green card. Things didn’t get easier for her after that. The divorce proceedings started. A battle that ended nowhere. She decided to stop the proceedings and sign a settlement agreement to claim back her freedom. Lost herself a bit (lot) in alcohol, binge sex with stupid worthless guys and drugs. Never stopped writing. These words saved her. She let out all her pain by getting tattooed. Wrote some more. Proved she was strong enough to withstand anything. She fought hard, keeps fighting to this day, and is the most beautiful person I have ever met. I’m proud to look at her in the mirror every day. She’s my inspiration. She never gives up. She gives me hope. She gives me love. This is the girl who when she was little dreamed of writing and conquering the world by storm. This is the girl who sang at the top of her lungs every time she was alone, the girl who imagined a life full of bliss. The artist who never dies. The melancholic soul that eats her alive, and yet, keeps her going. She loved, she hated, she did things she wasn’t supposed to do, but in the end, she is a winner.

This my pledge for 2013. More love. More passion. More writing. I open myself for the world to see all the pain I carry inside, because it is who I truly am.

Be good to each other. Life’s too short.

God bless.

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