Note to Self (107) Toy soldier

I opened a jar of jelly and I dipped a sweet finger deep in my mouth.

You gave me a desperate look, like you wanted to share the sweetness with me too.

But I shook my head. You couldn’t share anything with me yet. Because you were a toy soldier.

A toy soldier. You followed orders and you obeyed, and I could see in your eyes you didn’t like it much but you did it anyway. Because you were meant to serve me the right way. Because I chose you to please me, to tease me, to need me, to beg me, to taunt me, to teach me how to drive you crazy with more favors, more prayers, more tokens of an appreciation I didn’t necessarily own… And you smiled trying to be nice, but I seriously didn’t care about you. I didn’t see you, only used you.

Another piece broke. Let’s not fix you. Your time with me has slowly come to an end, and I must part ways now.

I opened a jar of jelly and I dipped a sweet finger deep in my mouth. I’ll flick another switch and I’ll enjoy a fun ride without you by my side. Don’t cry, don’t pry, don’t even try to come back, I don’t want you near, I thought we were clear, I tossed you to the curb and forgot all about you. Last thing I did was delete your phone number of my contact list. Therefore you’ll fall among the abyss of a place where everything’s dark, cold and humid. All alone, my dear toy soldier, I remain a happy heart you cannot crush anymore.

I want a real man.

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