Note to Self (71) Hurricane Pt. 1

I thought it would be wiser to narrate the events of this weekend after the fact. Now I’ve decided to do it before and after, because I’m too damn stressed to sit still and wait.

I’ve never experienced a hurricane. I lived through little earthquakes like the one we had a few days ago (5.8 Richter scale), but I never, ever had to go through the stress of a mighty storm.

Water. Deadly violent water flooding everything in a few seconds. I just went outside to get some food for my kitties and it was barely drizzling. Now it’s pouring. I know I will have to deal with the windowsill leaks later. My mind is racing and I have to write first.

It’s like a cry for help, except that nothing has happened yet. We’re all waiting. Thursday, my office mate made a joke about looking for evacuation zones on the map specially designed by the Office of Emergency Management of New York City. It covers the 5 boroughs. When she typed her address, she laughed. She said she was ok, because her building was on top of a hill. When I entered my street intersection, I didn’t feel that lucky. I lived in a possible zone of evacuation due to heavy flooding. Great.

The subway system has been shut down since noon. The only way out is by foot. Train lines have been cut too. It feels like an apocalyptic day, except that the apocalypse hasn’t arrived yet. We’re all scrutinizing our screens, following the eye of the storm with so much nervousness that I’m on the verge of a panic attack. I’m not ready for a deluge. Not now, not ever.

All the grocery stores are closed. The price of milk and water has been raised 100% since last night. I bought water yesterday already so I’m fine. Worst comes to worst, I also have tons of beer, vodka, Black Label and Jack Daniels in my cabinets. Maybe I should drink to forget. It always seems like a good idea at first.

My kitties stayed quiet while I paced across my apartment, almost biting my nails. I stopped myself from going completely nuts by writing. If my fingers do something else, I’ll be fine, I thought.

Still… I heard from work that I was on call this weekend. Something else I don’t want to worry about. There’s so much shit happening right now, I’d like to bury myself somewhere deep until everybody has forgotten about me. I’m really on the edge. I don’t know why it’s hitting me now, but it’s slowly becoming harder and harder for me to breathe. It’s not just the hurricane. It’s everything in my life. I’m falling down a whirlpool and I’m sinking. I don’t even have the strength to fight back. Maybe it’s easier if I just let go, and see if I’ll survive.

Hurricane. The animal hospital was still open today, and it’s in the flood zone. The world has gone mad. Totally mad. Sirens of ambulances could be heard miles away down the avenues. I crossed people who went for a jog as I was walking down the street. Why are they so calm and why am so stressed? I need to chill. The hurricane is coming. I see that some the neighbors have taped their windows with a big X to prevent them from breaking. I’m just going to wait. I’m sure that things will be ok in the end. The wait is always the longest, and I’m still stressed.

Yeah, I’m ready.

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