Note to Self (4)

Fuck. I did something I was not supposed to do. And now what? It’s not like I can go back in time and undo everything. I have to face the stupid consequences of being an adult in a world of sharks, used and abused until I’m tossed away like a dirty rag… This is something I should know by now. I’m old enough to see the signs but I’m oblivious to them. This is ridiculous. I have enough to deal with already, and I don’t need more drama in my life. I hate those moments of weakness because they remind me how fragile I really am. I should not open up so easily, and be nice to people. Every time it’s the same story.

Should I become jaded and shield myself behind an impenetrable wall – but what if somebody manages to break trough the wall and hurt me anyway? Or maybe I should move away to a place where nobody knows me… Disappear until enough time passes and my memories fade to become distant blurbs of my life, mistakes I never want to repeat again.

I miss my life the way it was. Happy, full, simple. Instead everything turned against me to make it miserable, empty and complicated.

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