Note to Self (23) and to a Beautiful Stranger

You’re my beautiful stranger and you just cast a spell on me. It’s like a drug. I’m not really sure how we met. I guess I woke up one day and then you were suddenly part of my life. Things happen so quickly in this world. I remember a few years back, when I started surfing the web, I fell in love. We talked for hours on this chatting platform, and I just believed everything he said. I can’t even be really sure anymore, whether it was a guy I kept talking to. It was my first time, and like every first time, I was awful at it. I was naive, young, inexperienced. The rest is history.

What I remember about that stranger is the day he faked his own death. He just vanished, and I really got hurt. I cried for days. How could it not be true? The words we exchanged seemed so real… I just drowned in a pool of nonsense, to the point that I wanted to fly 6000 miles to come meet that person.

I was always fascinated with the United States. This country, its people, everything about it attracted me very much. That’s how I met my husband. He came to me in a hot summer of 2005 and we just hit it hard, to the point that I kept in touch with him for a year via messenger until I finally moved away from my parents’ home and landed in New York with my two suitcases, ready to make all my dreams come true. I married this beautiful American stranger… and after five years of hell, I’m divorcing him.

Life takes turns we never expect. I thought I was done for good, I really believed that there were no good men on this earth, and suddenly, I just start talking to another beautiful stranger and the magic comes right back on. I am under the spell of these words again, and I can’t help it, I can’t fight the urge to put my thoughts in writing and to express everything I feel through this little portal displayed on the screen of my computer or my phone. I am addicted to it, like seven years ago when I began chatting and I learned how wide and dangerous the world could be. I never got scared enough to stop though. These words sunk me in so deep, they never let me go back to my innocent life.

These words are to you, my beautiful stranger. Never lie to me, and I will be yours forever. Show me your true self, and you’ll have my unconditional love. Your words are all I need to survive. Now make me your junkie.

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