Note to Self (20)

I know you want to hurt me because you think I hurt you. You don’t seem to understand that our relationship was ill, and that nothing could be fixed unless both of us worked at it. I’m not here to cast the blame, I’ve moved on already. Yes, I still cry thinking about what life with you could have been, if everything had worked out. So many things went wrong from the start. I fell in love with an idea, not you. I realize it now. You never were what I thought you could be, and all my dreams and wishes were instantly blown away when I sadly came to that conclusion.

You never looked at things the same way I did. We both stared in opposite directions, thinking that someday we would converge, but we never did. I’m sorry it took this long to understand that we just were not meant to be together. So now, whatever you do, your spite and your evilness, I forgive you. I forgive the man who hurt me and made me cry, I forgive the soul that never loved me the way I expected to be loved, I forgive the brain that never grasped my thoughts, and I forgive the heart that never felt the pain and the sorrow I was going through. You could never be what I wanted you to be. You could never be the father of my children, you could never cherish me and protect me the way I expected to be cared for. I forgive your greed, your selfishness, your absence of thought, your anger, your addictions, your friends, your family, and everything else that just made my existence a freaking living hell.

You’re the biggest son of a bitch I’ve ever met in my entire life. I guess that love can be cruel sometimes, and thanks to you, I learned my lesson. Now I know what shit truly tastes like.

Farewell to you, and maybe you’ll go to heaven, who knows, the Gods might forgive you too someday.

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