Note to Self (17)

I could not wake up this morning. It felt like my eyelids wanted to stayed glued together forever. I had the weirdest dream last night too.

I dreamt that I was visiting some friends who were having a party. One girl whom I did not know had prepared some dessert and gave some to everybody but me. I got upset and I left, to find myself in a poor neighborhood, living in a crumbling apartment with a view of the same old crappy buildings across the street. I remember vividly seeing electrical posts standing like post apocalyptic trees in front of each house; high voltage lines running like a spiderweb in between each facade; and the dirt, everywhere on people’s faces, as if I had landed in an underdeveloped country. The sewer smell and the horrific sadness of the whole neighborhood overwhelmed me instantly and I felt depressed. I sought comfort by looking for my cats; but found only one of them. After looking for the other, I realized that the neighbor across the street was waving at me. I thought he wanted to say hi so I waived back. He was standing on the roof of his three story high building, and it did not even strike me at first that he was holding something behind his back. He displayed a toothless smile that looked too crazy to be nice; I immediately got puzzled and wondered what the heck he wanted. Then I saw it. He pulled from behind his back a cat. My cat. He held her by the scruff of the neck, victoriously showing it to me. And suddenly, he dropped her. I screamed. The cat fell in the emptiness of the space between the rooftop and the ground. My heart beat faster and I broke into a sweat. I saw her totally helpless, going down like a bag of sand. I started crying when she abruptly stopped falling, letting go of her last breath. My tears stopped too. When I looked back up at the guy, he was laughing hysterically, holding my pet by an invisible fishing line.  He dangled my dead cat like a toy right in front of my eyes and laughed even more when he saw the look of horror on my face.

Then I dreamt of asshole guys and my ex-husband.

Now you understand why I’m tired today.

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