Re-reading old letters, reminiscing the darkness of the past, I think of my actions and how I hurt people. I am not perfect. Today, I try to do the next right thing because I learned how to be a better person. One cannot live with regrets, or fears, because life is not about the past. Life is about now. Action. Constant change, and revolution, on the outside, and on in the inside. And change isn’t easy. Oh no, change is uncomfortable. But no growth can come from a dying flame. The fire burns brighter when the heart is filled with acceptance, love, and understanding.
I was once a lost little girl. I lost myself in the darkness, and thought I’d never find my way back. Memories were like daggers, piercing my soul, bleeding me into a puddle of despair and sorrow, for what? Nothing. Sadness leads straight into a wall. There’s no shame in being human and having feelings. But there is shame in not wanting to do anything about them.
Love came, and went, and I experienced pain. A lot of it. Did I die from it? I wanted to vanish into thin air, but my inner voice reminded me life was beautiful. And love would come again. If I finally faced my demons, and looked at them for what they were – the insecurities that had piled up since I was a little girl – I would laugh again. And one step in the right direction was all it took for me to realize I didn’t need to cry anymore.
In the most hopeless times, one must not lose hope. Without hope, the world is just a blank canvas. I saw my canvas as the most insignificant piece of art in the gallery. But like a diamond in the rough, my canvas was waiting to be discovered. I dusted the cobwebs, and applied colors, creating a design that was mine, and mine only. With faith, and fortitude, my canvas became a gem.
I am but another human being on this planet, and my purpose is to be happy. So when dark memories resurface, and remind me of how bad I felt once, I look but don’t stare. The dark memories are quickly replaced with joyful ones, and I’m grateful to simply be alive.
The Manicheans 